Desperation

Have you ever just wanted to scream? As if to let out so much energy and noise would take care of everything baring down on you? Or have you worried that you had become so accustomed to things in the world being wrong and people doing horrible things that you had become numb to it. That it no longer seemed as horrible because the overflow of information for so long had desensitized you? Sometimes I wish I were able to do more for the world around me.

Good News-Bad News

So.....

Good news: I love most of my classes and I'm so glad to be reunited with my crazeh friends.

Bad News: I hate unitards with every fiber of my being. (Thanks CATS for this burden upon my already mediocre self-esteem)

All-in-all... I think the good wins. However, I think I'm going to go work out again so... g-nite!

Dorm Sweet Dorm

Hey there! So I am back on campus. It's weird, to say the least. A month is a long time to be away. Anyway, my internet is down until tech helps so I'll write more later. Sorry so short. Ciao!

New Year's Resolution(s)

It's that time of year again and though I try to improve myself on a regular basis New Year's is a good time to identify improvement ideas. So this year I have 4 resolutions as follows:

1. Live healthier: I'm just going to have to learn to love my friend the salad. And water. Oh, goodness.

2. Stop picking my nails: Of all the ways to release stress I had to pick this up. This will be tough to break

3. Read the Bible: It's about time. Nuff said.

4. Manage my time: Last semester was a SERIOUS learning experience. Nuff said.

I'm excited, myself. Number 1 will be easier when I get back to school, because I can go to the gym. I'm working on 2 and 3 is well on it's way. I'll have it read in a year. And number 4 is going to be side by side with a planner that I'm going to buy before I start class the 11th. Wish me luck and Happy New Year folks.

So here's to catching up!

So I am going to start posting here again, because I have been using myspace and like this place better. It's more for me. I'll probably put the more private stuff here. Anyway this is what I have wrote since my previous post:

Monday, December 19, 2005 So, I am finally beginning to get used to being home. I still feel like there's so much I should be doing when all I need to do is REST. I saw my HS chorus perform the Christmas segment of Messiah yesterday. I am so proud of them. They continue to improve and if my H.S. has anything to be proud of, well, it's them. Mrs.Burkhart told me I needed to learn the music, because they'll repeat it every two years and then I'd have a solo. :) Gotta love her. I saw many of my close friends, both fellow alumni and current students. I missed them dearly. I saw my good friends Anna, Nathan, John and Ashley. All of which I haven't seen in a long while. Hectic schedules and all. It is nice to catch up. It's easy to appreciate the easy familiarities of people when you had been in a place where you had to make new friendships which take time and effort. (minus a few who were instant friends whom I miss currently) I visited my highschool today and was warmly welcomed. It's strange to watch your old school's change. There are plenty of people I sill have to make arrangements to see. *phew* Lot's to do. Oh, and I managed to make it out of my first semester of college with a 3.24 GPA which is AMAZING considering that I could have worked MUCH harder. By the end of this year my GPA will be just the way I want it. I officially went hard core into my healthier regimen today. I'm not going to lie.... it was not fun. I'll get used to it though. It's good for me all-in-all. It still doesn't feel like Christmas and it doesn't help with all the loonies complaining that everyone should say HAPPY HOLIDAYS instead of MERRY CHRISTMAS. All I have to say is the holiday wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the birth of Christ so people can just deal or don't celebrate. It is a CHRISTMAS tree with CHRISTMAS decorations. None of this HOLIDAY tree buisness. Anyways... I really look forward to all that this vacation has in store. I already have plans to go on a church trip called Winter Extreme. There'll be Christian bands and bible studies. Stuff of that nature. :) It's going to be spectacular. Well, I'm going to go get some junk out of my car and play some video games with my brother. I'll keep this updated when interesting things happen.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 So, I'm home. YAY! Praise the lord that I got here in one piece. Traffic was horrible closer to home due to a sink hole on Paper Mill. Yesterday I went with a Misty and Ashley to breakfast, the mall , and church. Overall, it was a nice way to adjust to being back in my small town. Today, not so hot. The weather is brooding with rain and grey skies. It makes me tired, but not the normal drozy tired. The tired in which you ache and long to lie in bed and bury yourself in covers. Disappear. I've begun cutting out bad foods and by Monday should be on a full fledged health fest. Every time I go home it's like returning to this reoccuring bad dream. The one where you know what's going to happen and after having it enough times you are either desperately staying awake or find a way to adjust to this nightmare. Everytime I come back it's the same problems. Every once and a while there is a little twist, buit mainly the same. I feel like if I don't leave I'll get trapped. That this circle of continuity will keep living through me. It probably doesn't make sense to the reader, these words I write. To make you understand I would probably have to write a book about my life i this place. The memories held within these buildings and streets. Or maybe that would just make you more confused. Either way the weather is bringing out the brood within me and I don't like it at all. I long to visit the friends I miss. Yet, at the same time there are a few who haven't tried to contact me and I'm left pondering. You know, the typical questions one may ask when no longer seeming needed by those they care about. In the end, no matter what I feel today, I blame it on the rain.

Monday, December 12, 2005 So, I saw the plans for my Cats cotume and it is amazing, to say the least. It is quite hot. And my makeup is unbelievable! So, here's the downfall... no dessert for break and definately nothing but water because I'm going to look as slim as possible without being stupid and starving myself. It's going to be great and I'm going to get the word out to all my friends. I can't wait to go home. I leave tommorrow afternoon Well, I gotta go on a bank run to buy my mom's Christmas present. Ciao!

Sunday, December 11, 2005 Why does it seem like more than half the population on campus has to get drunk to have fun? It's sad to me when u go to these parties and introduce yourself to the same ppl over and over, because every time they get wasted and forget you. I return home, smell of smoke and other ppl's alcohol, and feel more alone than before I went. Random ponderings is all.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 So, I've been super busy and need to catch you up. Last weekend=Christmas at Belmont for PBS. It was hectic and took up way too much of my time. Afterwards we had an awesome reception with food, drinks, and live music. I love my crazy friends who accompanied me in dancing like someone with a seizure. LOL just kidding, but we really just let ourselves get crazy. Paige and I are killer at dancing like hippies. This was Saturday. Sunday was somewhat uneventful and I had to sing at a church in my awful choir dress. I also got to read the part of Adam (heh, brilliant) and Reader 10. It was hilarious I must say especially when Paige had to be Mary and say in front of the congregation, "But, I've never slept with a man before." By the way voice inflection can really do a number with that line. All in all my life was dedicated to choir next weekend. Monday was dance auditons for Cats. It was INSANE, but fun. I find my self moving cat like now. Tuesday was singing. I've been crazily running around trying to get things accomplished and getting nowhere. AAARRRGGHHH! I have so much to do before I leave Tuesday/Wednesday next week. I can't wait to see my Seymour buds!!! Oh, and today I went to a cast party for Children of Eden which was a BLAST! We played Catch Phrase and it was incredible. I love my crazeh musical theatre folks. Well, I have to study and write papers so see ya later!

Saturday, December 03, 2005 So last night was a blast. Some friends and I got down at a Christmas party held at the Curb. You can guess how well I dance by the statement above. (got down?) We then slapped on some pjs and ate cookies while Christmas decorating ensued. It was a blast and I loved every minute of it because I knew that Saturday and Sunday meant Belmont concert, finals study, and trying to prepare for Cats auditions. I can't wait until Christmas break when I get to visit friends and lounge. :) Anywho, I think I am going to go read my ballet book to pass my 10 question final which leaves little room for error.

Monday, November 28, 2005 So, I have a crazy week ahead and all I can think about is the fact that we have Christmas Break in, like, THREE weeks!!!! YESSSS! Anyways, I have alot of junk to do so I'll write more later.m Ciao!

DiSsApOiNtMeNt

So, maybe I had a fairytale idea of thanksgiving break being this amazing thing. Maybe I should not expect so much. *sigh* Ok, so, 1st of all I haven't had much quality time with my mom because she's basically working to keep me in school. I haven't had quality "sit and chat" time with my friend Misty because she is constantly busy, so the time I have spent with her was running around to different places with ppl I don't know and feeling awkward. We are combining our Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors, which ultimately means alot of whining spoiled kids and irritated parents, or simply put uncomfotable buffet dining + a prayer interlude. I'm bummed because I came home for family/friend time finding only racy, crazy moments of conversation and overall feeling more alone than I did before I got here. Other than my brother whom I love dearly for being the laid back guy he is. Ultimately I'll probably spend a majority of my time playing video games with him. lol I don't know. It seems every time I go home I'm reminded why I left. Is that bad? I mean a part of me is glad to see them, but a part of me feels so detached from this small town. I'm so confused. I guess I'll just have to pray and be patient. Wish me luck and I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! G-nite.

HaLlOwEeN rEcAp

So, this is my weekend. Friday, I had classes, typical, and later that night had to watch Hotel Rwanda for class. It is a very well created film that made me very depressed, not only for what happened, but for events such as in Sudan that are not helped as well. Went to what I thought would be a fun Halloween party to cheer me up. WRONG. It was a bunch on freshman college students stuck in an immature high school mindset getting wasted. We left. However, time getting there was an hour, as well as back. Anyway, the positives. During the drive the stars outside were AMAZING, especially since where I live you cannot see them. They were so brilliant I looked in awe. We went to Wendy's and grabbed a bit of late night grub and met some drunk Vanderbilt guys. Britt and I went to the gas station across the street from campus to rent a movie to reconcile the evening and had some guys who were high talk to us and ask us if we wanted weed. Luckily they did this across the parking lot, got bored, and left. :) We rented elf and I was so tired by that point I went to bed. Saturday, I had to get up early to leave to watch SETC for musical theatre at 7:15am. Spent the whole day there so I could support all who auditioned and went to lunch with Gabe and Paige at Pizza Hut. *nummy* Oh and in his car we listened to the Goofy Movie soundtrack! It was priceless. We went to Gabe's so he could grab a few things, went back to campus, and I went with some friends to see Fall Follies, our annual comedy show that pokes fun at Belmont. I'll have to buy a DVD to show my friends. I had only at Pizza Hut all day, so my roommate and I went to Harris Teeter to buy grub, but it was 11:05 and they close at 11. So, we went to the gas station and bought icecream and hot pockets. I also got a large cherry ICEE. We went back to the room and I attempted to watch Elf again and failed again due to fatigue. Sunday, I got up and realized I had stuff I had to get immediately. Got dressed quick and headed to AmSouth. Found out I had alot less money than I should. Went to Walmart where I only had funds to purchase the most essential of products in store brand form. On the way back my mapquest directions fell to the floor on the otherside of my car. I had to pull to the side of the highway and even with the directions I got lost because Mapquest is worthless. I went to a church to get directions (seemed most reasonable, church=direction:) ) and got back with fifteen minuted to get ready for church. *sigh* Got ready and went to this awesome church that I will probably attend full time now. Came back and ate a horrible brunch at the cafeteria. Went to an hour and a half required Classical voice recital. Ran to my dorm and drank some hot cider as I threw on my Halloween attire. Drove to the zoo to volunteer from 4:30 to 9:00pm and helped children decorate pumpkins. All the kids were so cute and other than the extreme freezing nature of the outdoors their smiles kept me warm. We left and went to Noah's for a while and got bored and went back to the room where I slept. So, that is all. I must go now because I have a serious paper to write and I thought this might help me clear my head. TTYL and Happy 1st Day of November!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!